Well jump right in

Thats what Im going to do, jump right in and talk about the big D....no, not divorce though sometimes I have had those thoughts...Im goin to talk about DEATH. In this last year I have experienced death and tragedies more than any other time I can ever remember. Death was apparent to me long before it is to most people much less a child. The first memory I have of losing a person close was the death of my own father at 9 years old, and I have lost lots of loved ones over the last 20 years. This year, I have been to more funerals than ever, and lost several close loved ones. Several that were very young and seemingly healthy, and I find myself consumed with my life and living each moment to the fullest. I have been to 5 funerals since August 10, 2009 when a very close lifetime friend, Ktbug's grandma died after a simple hernia operation. September 29, 2009 our very best friend Taco past away at 38 from a heart attack, another very close friend Ron passed away January 14, 2010 at 59 from bone cancer in his jawbone that was just discovered less than 1 year before his death. On March 2, 2010 my same friend Ktbug lost her granddaddy after a fight with colon cancer, then on March 4, 2010 a woman I didnt know personally, but was well known in the community named Trenda passed away suddenly at age 37, after being diagnosed with lung cancer about a month ago. She also lost her own father a local businessman in August 2009 of a heart attack while driving him to a doctors appointment. Whew! Does that seem like alot? Wait I'm not done....one week ago yet another friend of my hubbys and also my BIL got into a car accident and has been in a coma & on a ventillator since then with severe brain trauma and swelling. He is not expected to make it, and IF he does will "more than likely" never be the same person again. He is only 28 years old. And today, even though its corny, hearing my teenage love Corey Haim died at 38 is another part of my life gone.
I feel emotionally drained just reading over all that. I need a martini or something. Thats how I have felt for awhile now. I have tried to push feelings to the side and replace them with other things that are joyful and happy but they keep creeping back in. I think of death and I feel so many things...but the one that is the one that always comes to mind first is SCARED! Not scared of the unkown or what ifs, but scared of leaving my son. Scared of me not being here when he learns to ride his bike, graduate high school, get married, have children, scared of leaving him to have the same thoughts I remember having as a kid. Thats the most terrifying, thinking of him in my shoes at that age or any age. I never thought about dying until KC was born, never. Its never scared me, I have always known that reality of death, but my mind has never gone there until we lost our friend Taco. Since then I often find myself thinking what would happened if I died today. Sometimes the thoughts are random like that scrapbook page wouldnt be finished, the dog wouldnt have her medicine on time, or I wont be able to go to Disney World. Other times the thoughts are more vivid, like picturing my young son at a baseball game, and everyones there but me. I know others have had similar thoughts we are human after all. But its weird, Its really weird the older you get, the more people that arent here with you anymore. Way weird! I know that I am beginning to sound kind of gloomy so yuck!
I like living without thinking these kinds of things but like I said it seems to find its way back and looks you right in the face. I love my life, and everyone (almost) in it. My life will go on as long as it will. I dont know the answer to that question any more than the next person does. Loosing all these good people makes me want to be a better person while Im here. A better everything. A better me.
Life is so simple, yet so complicated.

This is an awesome poem read at both of Ktbug's grandparents funerals. I had never heard it until August, but I like it.

The Dash Poem
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth And spoke the following date with tears
But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved her Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own; The cars, the house, the cash, What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left, That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough To consider what’s true and real And always try to understand The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile Remembering that this special dash Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read With your life’s actions to rehash Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent your dash?

Wow!

November?? Really?? I guess I need to do some spring cleaning around here.

I'll be back!

Wordless Wednesday

Seriously Mama....whyd you let that guy stick me with that needle?

Today I took KC to get his bloodwork done for pre-op, and this was his very fist time having it done. Of course we get there and the waiting room is filled up. At this point Im thinking about not even staying because the last thing I wanted was him catching something else while waiting for this surgery. We have been on lockdown for a week waiting for this thing to come to an end. We stayed, and lucky us almost half the people ended up walking out because they didnt want to wait that long. When they called his name we went back & they had me sit him on my lap. They had me position my arm in front of the arm they werent getting blood from, so he didnt try to grab or move. He didnt like what was going on one bit, & I hated the feeling of having to be the one forcing him to do something that ended up hurting. He cried & wailed for about 20 seconds or so, then he just started sobbing! He was crying these huge, fat tears that just broke my heart in two! It was very quick, and the guy that stuck him was really quick, and theres no bruise or anything so I feel he did a good job. By the time it was over KC was pitching more of a fit to get the gauze and tape off his arm than he was about the pain. He doesnt like band-aids, stickers or anything being stuck to him so he was all pissed when I would let him pull it off. It wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be, but we did stop for some ice cream on the way home to make it all better! Surgery will be early Friday morning but Im not sure what time yet, we are going to a day surgery center near the hospital as an outpatient deal instead of the hospital. Ive heard good things about this place from several IRL Mom friends, so I feel alot better about it all. Im just hoping the outcome is better than what the last few months have been, hopefully its smooth sailing from Saturday on!



Here is KC once we made it home, he couldnt stand it stuck to him one more second!

Ears, nose, & throat....oh my!

The time has come....to remove KCs adenoids and to add tubes to his ears. This has been an ongoing battle since atleast August with sinus infections, ear infections, fever, lots of snot, & lots of coughs. Finally after what has seemed like forever we got the go ahead for surgery, and although I do not like the idea of my baby boy being put to sleep, or chopped on I am soooooo relieved that this is the end of these horrible past few months. KC has just felt awful, he is whiny, he hasnt ate good in several weeks,and he puked for the first time in his life & it totally freaked him out. He shrieked in terror when the projectile got all over him & me. He had no clue what was going on poor lil feller. I, in return got to clean up my first puke mishap and that was followed up by a nice diarrhea episode the next night. It was a double whammy considering he made it past 2 years old with never having either, man have I been lucky! From what I hear from all my FB friends the majority of kids have tubes, and it has been a breeze ever since. KC did have a hearing test and he was hearing at right below a normal level due to all the puss and fluid behind his ears. The ENT Dr. said that has also 100% been affecting his vocabulary, he said more than likely all KC is hearing is something like the teacher off of
Charlie Brown...wah wah wah wah - wah wah!


The surgery hasnt been scheduled yet, but they said today it would be maybe the end of next week. The sooner the better in my mind, but he has to be fever free for a full 3 days before the Doc will do it, and so far that has not happened. He has been running a fever off & on since Saturday, and he got a new antibiotic on Tuesday. Today is actually the first day he hasnt ran a fever & hasnt been funneling Motrin and Tylenol. Did I mention that Im over all this? I really want to go back to this....

when I had a happy boy, with no cough and a snot free face to kiss!

KC the Fisherman

For Halloween KC was sick, but we managed to make it to the IL's (in-laws) church Fall Festival and to Gigis house. KC was a fisherman this year and I had fun putting his costume together. Most everything came right off ebay for next to nothing, and the most expensive thing I could only find at Wal-Mart (lord help me) & that was the rubber boots at $17.00 freakin dollars! The grown mens boots were only $2.00 more, whats up with that? But I bought them, because the ones off ebay wouldve cost about the same with shipping. The little fishing pole is a game, and it was about $13.00, the vest was brand new and it cost less than $7.00 including shipping. I also found the patches, and the decal sticker from ebay. The lures all came again, from Wal-Mart and I removed all the hooks. The fishing hat he wore was my Dads,and I remember my Dad wearing this hat many times while fishing it didnt matter weather we were out in the gulf or on a river, that was his fishing hat. What is the funny thing is that KC would not keep a hat on his head to save my life before Halloween night; I tried a few times before Halloween putting the hat on him and he would take it off & throw it down, & Hubby tries constantly to put his hat on him to no avail, but he wore the hat with his costume then entire time and wouldnt take it off. Hes even been wearing it around the house! It makes me smile to remember the images in my head of my Dad wearing that hat, & to now see the little man in my life wearing it.

We started our morning off with some Halloween cinnamon rolls with orange icing & some black sprinkles, Thank you Pillsbury! KAS wasnt with us Halloween weekend & KC wasnt feeling to hot so I finished carving the pumpkin because Dr. appointments & x-rays threw the whole week off. Before dark we went to the Fall Festival to see Meme & Papa and had hot dogs, boiled p-nuts, and chips & we also let KC trick or treat through some of the games. Then we went to Gigis to see Gigi, Nan & Pop, and we ate Halloween brownies that Gigi made. By the end of the night he was wore out but he didnt want to take off his boots, he wore them all the way home until he passed out in his seat. We never made it to the Halloween Party since he wasnt feeling good, so maybe next year Mr. & Mrs. Pacman will make an appearance.

Hope everyone had a great Halloween, now....on to the good stuff!


Had to get his pictures made in his Fisherman costume!

Our breakfast

My little fisherman






Us at the end of the night minus KAS

KAS finally getting her Halloween bag, & KC trying to steal her candy already!

Pumpkin carving

Better late than never! My camera broke :-( Ive had a Sony Cybershot 7.2mp 12x digital camera forever, it was a Christmas gift from Hubby all the way back in 2003. It has been through alot, banged on, dropped, snowed on, thrown around, Im really surprised it held up as long as it did. But sadly all good things come to an end and my sweet little, high end electronic, has DIED! So all the pictures from this point are the product of a $100 jewel that is KAS's. Hopefully Santa will bring me a new one this year, if not you can bet your butt that there wont be any presents left under my tree for him!

Here are a few photos from the so called pumpkin patch, its actually the local corner produce stand right down the road from our house but they had pumpkins so it worked. KC has been really sick with a sinus infection so we pretty much stayed cooped up in the house the week of Halloween. I decorated more this year outside than I have before, it was fun and I got a few new things inside. Mom got me a Jim Shore Mickey Mouse pumpkin candle holder and she also gave me a Thanksgiving dinner figurine with all the Disney characters from Lenox. I rode around with the box in my car for a week and she kept saying you need to take this inside before something happens to it. I finally took it out and sure enough the thing some how fell out of the box & broke into a million pieces. Thats pretty much the way things have been going here lately so, ehh no biggie. I called Lenox to try & replace it because there was no way on this green earth that I was telling her what had happened to it, & not have that baby sitting on the shelf come turkey day. After talking to the nice sales rep and giving her my digits, they gladly billed me $85.47, HALF of the value of the brand new one and sent it to me pronto. So I got a gift, that I paid almost $100 for. Happy Halloween to me!


KC not wanting to stand still long enough for me to take a picture

maybe this one mom

cheese!

not to sure about the icky stuff

Get one of these for getting the guts out!

front porch

you think he got the clue?

my new addition

last but not least